When I was told I would need chemo, my first visceral thought was: I WILL LOSE MY HAIR! Our minds are biased to believe that what we see is all there is, and, since hair loss is visible (while cancer isn't), most chemo patients seem to agonize more over the visible hair loss, than about the cancer phantom the chemo is trying to eliminate.
Four months ago, as Dr. K. delivered the news of the necessary chemo treatment, I waved a chunk of my dark long hair at him and asked (sobbing, but with an attitude): Have you seen my hair?! Is it really gonna be all gone?!
There are some scalp-cooling options —he said without much emphasis—, but there are no guarantees and then people get disappointed...
Scalping-cooling what? —I asked (still sobbing).
A type of treatment where you wear cold caps on your head during each chemo infusion, and limit the access of the chemo drugs to your hair follicle cells —he explained.
Wait! A shot at saving my hair? —I thought to myself. Are we really glossing over this out of fear of disappointment? The biggest disappointment was breast cancer itself. So, scalp-cooling not being effective was not going to move the needle by much. If in fact there is an option to preserve my a hair —I kept thinking—, how could I possibly not give it a shot?
So, with the help of a dear friend (you know who you are, and I will be forever grateful to you) I gathered tons of information and, despite the lack of guaranteed results, the cost, and the effort it takes, I decided to embrace the cold cap.
Fast forward four months and forty-plus cold-capping hours, thus far, more than NINETY PERCENT OF MY HAIR REMAINS INTACT!
The look on people's faces when I go to a new chemo session, is rewarding and reassuring, but, at the same time, it feels slightly disappointing and sad. There is always a chemo patient who looks at my hair and cold cap with confusion, wondering how come he/she didn't know about it and give it a shot.
What if I had ruled out the cold cap without trying? How much stress would I have added to the journey had I been discouraged by the no guaranteed results?
Truth is that cold-capping has saved more than my dark long hair. It has saved way more than what you see at first glance. Cold-capping has saved my hair, my self-esteem and part of my identity. It has given me extra energy for my treatment and has helped me remain focused and channel my drive.
So, my take-away on this is to look beneath the surface. In chemo (and in life), there is more than the obvious which is worth giving a try.
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