I woke up this morning at six a.m., and, when I opened my eyes, I was in a funk. Life is complicated as it is, but, when you add chemo and a few other big-ticket items to the mix, somedays are simply too much.
When I opened my eyes, I could literally feel my heart ache. But, since I am stubborn as a mule and I like to think I can willpower myself through almost anything, I got out of bed and decided to face the day. Hmmm….
By the time both girls were in school, I realized that, although I was able to go about my day in full-functioning mode, I really felt like C-R-A-P. I called a friend (you know who you are), cried my eyes out for half an hour, and then I decided to do something about it.
Over the course of the last couple of weeks, I have been reading a book about the body-mind connection and the impact of exercise on how we feel. The gist of it is that exercise helps generate endorphins (a/k/a the happy hormone) and balances our mood, helping us pull our brains out of anxiety, depression and that yucky feeling of overall funk.
So, rather than heading to my usual café with this fascinating book and my chronic-learning brain, I drove my aching soul to the gym. Truth is that I didn’t feel like doing it, nor did I have a genuine motivation for it or enthusiasm. BUT, if I was able to power through my morning and full-function while being in emotional pain, why not instead will-power myself through something that had the potential of making some of the pain go away?
I got to the gym, grabbed a big bottle of water, and, without giving it a second thought, I hopped on the treadmill and began to run. Twenty running-minutes later, a new horizon began to open up…
I trained for an hour, and, as I kept pushing myself and exercising, I could feel (just like with chemo going through my veins) endorphins kicking in and doing their work. I was not entirely happy, and my worries had not magically disappeared, but I was able to put things in perspective and look at them in a balanced way and with energized hope.
Now, as I sit in my usual café and enjoy the sunshine on my face, I no longer have a hole in my soul, and I smile… I have proven (albeit, to a small extent) the body-mind connection theory and confirmed that, to make progress (in chemo and beyond), we have to give theories a try.
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