Remember when I told you days five, six, and seven sucked? They really did. But I believe there is a silver lining in almost anything in life, and something good can even come out of days that suck.
The morning of day six I texted Carol, my mother in law. Can you come over? An hour later she showed up and saved the day.
How can I help? —Carol asked when she got downstairs and saw me laying in bed.
Just watch me sleep and hold my hand —I said.
What we thought would be a few hours visit evolved into a (much needed) three-day stay, where Carol watched me sleep, read a book in my dimly lit bedroom, drove my daughters to and back from school, prepped snacks and, generally speaking, held the fort.
As I kept going in and out of my sleep, I could hear Carol at times in the kitchen laughing with the girls, playing board games or simply being a grandma.
It felt good to hear their cheerful voices. It was soothing and it made me smile...
As I was laying in bed, it suddenly hit me: Carol was restoring normalcy to the picture, while allowing me to be a patient full time.
As a chronic type-A personality, I tend to stay on top of E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G and try to keep things under control. But going through chemo takes up a lot of energy and made me realize I can’t do it all.
Seeing normalcy restored to a portion of my daughters’ routine appeased my type-A anxiety and lightened my mental load. It allowed me to focus on being a full-time patient, giving me the comfort that, at least for a little while, it was OK to let go.
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